Monday, November 26, 2012
I haven't written in a while. Let's just say, life got in the way. I've been dealing with a husband that left for a month, making life choices that will determine the path I take, and another child going through the IEP process.
Quite honestly I feel like crying. I feel like I completely failed my middle son. I'm so busy working with my oldest and helping him with his needs that I did not do enough for my other sons. I know I am not failing him, but it sure feels like it. Sometimes I wish there was more than one of me, so I could help him get done what he needed to have done.
So where to begin with Christian? Well, I've always had concerns about him, I just don't know how to explain it. Yes, maybe you could call it the paranoid mother, who watches all her kids after having one with Autism. He's had multiple ear infections since he was a baby. Thankfully, he was able to avoid having any hearing problems, for now. (Unless you count selective hearing.) He's had 4 surgeries as well, before the age of 5. Two sets of ear tubes, tonsils and adnoids, and a fun little incident where he punctured his ear drum and it had to be repaired in a hurry. He's definitely one of those rough and tumble boys. We jokingly say, filling the ER quota...but it's no joke with him. I think I have a few gray hairs already from this kid.
So when he entered his first year of preschool, at 3, I watched his every move like a hawk. Yes, I am paranoid. But it's for the best. I only want him to do well in life, and I don't want to miss what I missed with his older brother. Call it my guilt trip.
His first year of preschool was very difficult. The teachers decided to place him in a class that was older than he was, due to his maturity level. Honestly, that was a mistake. He was not ready for that. They focused on kindergarten skills and he couldn't keep up.
So the next year, we put him in a preschool that was amazing. (If you haven't heard of Headstart, you should look into it.) His teachers were always on par with what he needed and I never felt that he was behind. He excelled so much.
Kindergarten began. I was very excited for him. He's my first 'normal' kid and I was hoping that he'd excel. In all honesty, he hasn't. And it's terribly disappointing for me and my son. He wants so badly to do well, but he seems stuck. He gets angry and I honestly have never seen the amount of rage from a kid, that I have from him. He hates going to school, he cries when we have long breaks and then has to go back. It breaks my heart.
I have had him evaluated for ADHD and the doctor came back with O.D.D as a diagnosis, which I will not accept. I want a psychologist eval, not a primary care doctor that we barely see. He also prescribed some ADHD medication and at 5, I'm not really comfortable with that, especially when he's not been evaluated at school or a psychologist. But that's me.
So now it's the waiting game. On December 11 is his IEP and I'm praying they have found a way to help him. Until then...just waiting and waiting. :/