Wednesday, July 4, 2012

I want to karate chop Autism. That is all.

Well...some days you win and some days you lose. I have never given up on the fight on getting my son the best service, the therapy he needs and anything else that Autism goes with. But...sometimes you can't count on mother nature. Regression, puberty, deployments, people coming in and out of your life and making schedules SOO hard.

 Caleb has been having some noticeable changes over the past few months. He's been full of rage, regression has been apparent, and well...things just didn't seem right. I have been fearful. Fearful that he was slipping back into his Autism and going to a place where I couldn't save him. But I know that's not true, because even if he slides to a place where I can't communicate with him. I will always be there for him. I will always fight for him. I will always make sure he has everything he needs in life. It's all I can do to ensure he has a good life. What else can a mother do? It's what we all want in life.

Developmental pediatrician appointments scare the crap out of me. I know they shouldn't, because they give you answers, but they also give you answers you don't want. For months, I've known something was wrong. I just knew it, call it a mother's intuition.  But you just don't want to say it out loud, because then it's real. It's real and you have to deal with it. I hear from other people, oh no he's going to be me a pessimist, but I just know that I'm going to have to work harder. Not that I mind a challenge...I am a fighter, it is in my blood. I am just tired. When you have a kid, like mine, it's intense 24/7. I get a break, sometimes, but mostly I am his whole world.

Anyways...needless to say, I was proved right. I was told his diagnosis from PDD-NOS could now be considered severe Autism. Commence kick in the gut. I was broken, or at least that's how I felt. I just wanted to break down and eat a whole box of chocolate something. But I didn't. I just continued on with the day. I mean that's what we do right? We get bad news, we take it, and then we move on. What more is there to day? I am upset, and I want to do something about it, but for I will fight harder and look for ways to help more. Who knows what will happen in the future, maybe it'll change. But for now...I would love to karate chop Autism. Yep...go away. I don't like you and you can take yourself away.

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