Branching out of my comfort zone: Trying New Things

This is really hard for me to admit.  And it makes me feel like a bad parent.  I don't like trying new things with my children.  I don't like taking us out of our comfort zone of what we do for 'normal' activities.  So far its worked for us for the last 9 years.  But I got to thinking, I am really making a mistake.  My kids are missing out on experiences that they'll never get back.  I am missing out on those experiences.  I don't like blaming Caleb for not trying new things, this is all on me.  I am scared of what will happen with him when we do it.  Don't get me wrong, I am proud to have a child with Autism.  It has given me a calling that I never thought I would ever find.  But it does have some drawbacks for us as a family on occasion.  We can't just up and go do things whenever we want.  We have to prepare.  Those preparations can take on the upwards of hours, days or weeks, depending on the situation.    

I got invited to take Caleb and the other boys to a baseball game.  I'm not going to lie, my instincts SCREAMED no.  But with all the thinking I had been doing lately, I decided, let's give it a try.  And I prepared him for several hours.  I showed him the stadium, I talked about what a baseball game was, I talked how we would have a picnic lunch.  He was prepared.  About an hour before we left, it set in for him.  "I DON"T WANT TO GO!"  He screamed at me.  This is normal for him.  He gets very upset when being taken out of the comfort of his home or put into a new situation.  He goes through phases.  First we scream, then we get very antsy and beg not to go, and finally he accepts it and pouts.  

We got to the car and I keep hearing him ask me, can we go home?  It is nerve-wracking and breaks my heart that this is so hard for him.  It's just a baseball game!  I hear my 4 year old son Christian reassuring him, Caleb, its going to be so fun!  That child is so good at helping calm him down.  There are days when I don't know how I could be so blessed with such a mature child. 

We get to the ball park and the moaning and groaning begins again.  He doesn't want to get out of the car, it's too hot, I want to do this and that.  Again very typical Caleb when he's upset or thrust into a new situation.  But we soldier on.  We meet up with my friend Linda and discover we can't bring food inside.  OOPS!  So it's an impromptu picnic!  We grab a seat on the ground and pull out our lunches.  Caleb is very happy to remember I have packed his favorite: PB&J.  Christian doesn't really care, he just wants to go inside.  Cole is more interested in eating rocks. 

So after we've had lunch and gotten our sunscreen on, we get inside, get our cool new piggy banks and programs.  We find our seats and have a seat.  We didn't realize it was going to be SO hot.  It was 98 at the warmest part of the day.  Glad I packed lots of water, the one thing they allow you to bring in.

We made it to the top of the 7th inning before we felt that the kids had had enough.  That's an incredible amount of time for Caleb to be put into a situation like that.  The stadium was fairly crowded, it was hot, and it was a very over-stimulating situation for him to be put in.  AND I have never been more proud of him for how he did.  He really was interested in meeting the mascot and we chased him a few times to try and get his autograph.  We'll try again next time. 

This really taught me that my son can do more, that I can expect more.  But more so I learned that I don't have to be afraid of what can happen in a situation like this.  I can deal with the stares, I can deal with the snickers, I can deal with the name calling.  I am not afraid.  I just need to be less afraid of the unexpected, which is something I have yet to master. 

Below are a few highlights from the game:

Lesson for me: Don't be afraid to try new things, what happens will happen!            

Just for me: Making time for myself.

I admit it, I am not the best at giving myself a break. I am a yes girl. When someone asks me to do something, I not only do it 100% but I try to go beyond that 100% to make an even bigger difference. I love helping people. It's is why I am in the field I am in. I love the fact that if I can help one kid with special needs then I have made a difference.

I think the time has come for me to dig a little niche for myself. At the end of the day, there is not a long that I do that is for me. Ok, well maybe not completely. I do happen to watch some tv shows like Greys Anatomy and Criminal Minds, etc. I don't have any hobbies, because I feel it is taking time away from my children. And now that I have another child who is possibly going to be in the special education system next year, I had a MAJOR break through. I do too much.

So, I took into account of what I need to do for myself. I watch tv, oh boy is THAT exciting. LOL but that's not something I can live for. Its not something to get myself out of bed every day. What do I love to do? That was really hard for me to think about. For the last 9 years, my entire world has centered on taking care of my children or addressing Caleb's special needs. For me that is my entire world and I do adore what I do. I can't see not working in special education. Special education is a part of who I am.

And then it came to me. I love cooking. Tweaking recipes, creating recipes, looking over recipes that have been done and deciding if they're really worth keeping, etc. I love to do it. I mean at one point I was considering being a chef. I just got burnt out. So I decided. I was going to cook and blog about my recipes. But not just any recipes. These recipes have to be healthy, kid-friendly, and easy to make. Most recipes fail in one category of my mandatory requirements.

So for the next year, or even 6 months, I am embarking on a cooking/blogging journey to find great tasting recipes that a kid will eat and a diabetic won't go into a diabetic coma from. Feel free to join me under my new blog: Healthymom Recipe Reviewer. I would love for you to tag along on my journey!

Progress

How do I explain how simple progress can means to me? Little things make me estatic! I wish I could make the world understand how we take things for granted. I may whine and complain and fuss, but truly I am very blessed to see some of the things that I have seen in this lifetime! I celebrate accomplishments that many people said I shouldn't be celebrating, but I have a few words for them: WHY NOT?? Life is meant to be celebrated! Below is are a few things that I have been celebrating through progress!







My Weight: Most of my life has been a struggle with the bulge, and I know I'm not alone in that. I don't want to be supermodel skinny, besides that's just gross! I want to be healthy! I want to be around to celebrate my children's children and so on and so forth. Losing weight has been one battle after another. My health is usually not affected, but since my husband deployed, I've been fraught with children being sick and so on. So, it has taken a beating on my body. These last few months have been a major battle that I have not lost. I have slowly began losing weight. My goal weight is not something I will reveal, nor will I tell what my weight is. My goal is just to get to where I need to be. I have lost a few pounds and have been tracking it weekly. So far so good! I may make my goal before my husband comes home!























(Pardon the pedicure people, I'm a single parent!)





My Children: My children have always been the most important thing on the Earth to my! I have learned many things about them from just raising them. My oldest has been a prime example of why I cannot and will not ever take anything for granted. He has been a joy to watch grow into who he will be. Mind you, his development has been one battle after another. Caleb did not speak until he was 4 and he had many physical developmental problems, which he still experiences today. But I choose to celebrate his accomplishments, instead of mourn that he is not like other kids. I celebrate that after months of trying to get him to gain weight, we are up to a whopping 70lbs! I celebrate that after months of struggling to write his name, he finally can do it! I celebrate that he is almost to double digit addition. Sure, other third graders his age are doing things that he is not, but I don't care. My son is doing what many people told me he would not.







Christian has been an interesting child to watch develop into a little man. He is constantly challenging me for authority and reminding me why I do in fact love my kids so much. He has been my fast developer. Between 6 months and 8 months he sat up, crawled and then started walking. At 1 year he was starting full sentences. This child never fails to amaze me with some of the things that come out of his mouth. Some of the funnier things that I have heard are he asking me to move the dark so he can see his mountains. Or if we're shopping in the store, he'll see something and tell me to put it back because we have it at home and we don't need it. He's definitely going to be an onery one. Oh wait he already is! His tenderness for his brothers melts my hearts, and his stubbornnes for causing trouble makes me want to pull out my hair! This one is going to drive me batty!

Cole has been a very cute little monkey to watch develop. He has changed in many ways and I am definitely interested to see how he will continue to grow. He adores his brothers and calls for them when he wants them: Bathers. He likes to scream Mommy whenever he sees me, which is totally cute and annoying at the same time. But I have to remind myself, what if he didn't talk at all? What if he didn't say anything? I am lucky that I have a child who is verbal, after having a baby who was not for a very long time. Just today, he took a tenative step towards walking. He was so excited about it, but not nearly as excited as his big brother Christian who yelled at the top of his lungs MOMMY HE'S WALKING!!!!





My Marriage: So marriage is hard work. It's not some little love story where you fall in love, and everybody lives happily ever after. Marriage is work. I wish someone had told me just how hard marriage was, so I would have been a little more prepared. We were so naive when we were dating. It was fun and games and then after marriage comes the hard work.




Don't get me wrong, I love being married! I love my husband very much! I just wish someone had told me how difficult it would have been. Marriage is about sacrifice and love and sadness and happiness. All sorts of emotions that I never thought I would feel. We have made it almost 10 years and I am definitely looking forward to another 50!

So when you get upset that your not losing weight, take a few steps back and think what could I do to fix it? When you're not making good grades, think about what you could do to improve it? And if your child is not on track, celebrate the person they are, not the person you want them to be!

Did that REALLY happen??? Some days I can't believe it!!!

I had a bad day last week. And when I say bad day, it was truly brutal. I had a bad reaction to medication that caused my hands to swell up so badly that one of my rings, my engagement ring that I had proudly lost weight for, was stuck. I tried EVERYTHING to get it off. And when I say everything, I mean everything. I tried soap, stuck my hands in ice (well, we didn't have ice, so I used snow), I even stooped to using windex. Nothing worked. I tried to ignore it, but the swelling continued.

I did some research to try and find out where I could have it removed without doing the most damage. The jewelers I called all claimed they could have it off in 10 minutes. They lied. My engagement ring has a super thick band, so it wasn't coming off with their cheap blades. They suggested I go to the ER or the Fire Department. I didn't want to spend 4 hours with all three of my children in an emergency room, just to have my ring cut off.

So we had a nice impromptu field trip to the fire department. The kids were excited, except Caleb who didn't want to do anything but sit and read. Christian couldn't even contain his excitement. There is something about 4 year olds and their fire engines. Its pretty cute.

Anyways, we get there and I, already embarressed about what I need to do, asked if they could cut a ring off my finger. The fire man was absolutely polite to the core. He had us come in to the immaculate station and told the boys they could have a tour of the station when we were done. As he went to fetch the blade, a younger, I'm assuming a rookie, fire fighter came up to Caleb and said he was going to cut my finger off. I looked at him in horror. Caleb looked at him with his big blue puppy dog eyes and burst into tears. I didn't know who to comfort first. The poor fireman was beside himself trying to comfort Caleb. I explained to the poor guy that Caleb had Autism and they took things very literally. The fire fighter nodded and looked horrified. He apologized and kept repeating we are not going to cut your mommy's finger off, just the ring.

I finally calmed Caleb down, who became amused with the sticker the fire fighter brought him. The ring cutting was pretty simple and then the kids got their tour of the station.

I am not upset, because the poor guy thought Caleb was just a regular kid who would understand he was joking. I even laugh about it now. Its just one of those moments where you go: Did that really just happen??? I guess someone needs to give the fire fighters some sensitivity training or something...but wow, there is no words to describe THAT situation. It was just NOT my day!

Walk the walk, talk the talk, live the life!

I am done. That's right. I am done. I am finished with discrimination. I am finished with people giving me the stink eye for my child not acting a certain way, talking a certain way or looking a certain way. I am done living up to other people's expectations.

This weekend I had the fortune; and when I say fortune it might not look that way to others, of having my child called a brat and that I should beat the crap out of him for his behavior. I smiled and looked at the person and said he has Autism and is having a meltdown. My initial reaction was wanting to claw their eyes out with my nails, but I am a better person than that. All three of my children were watching my behavior and if I want them to act a certain way, I have to model that behavior. The person who called my child a brat rolled their eyes and stormed off. My middle son, Christian, who is extremely protective of his brother told me that that person was making bad choices by being mean. And who am I to disagree? That person was making bad choices. But here I am, telling my son that we can't tell others that they are making bad choices, because they are responsible for their own behavior. I am telling this to a 4 year old. He nods his head and understands. This totally blows me away.

Back to what I am talking about. If you are going to say you will treat all people with respect, please do. Don't look at the mom with the screaming child, thinking OMG, their kid is SUCH a brat!! Think, maybe that kid is having a sensory overload. Or better yet, don't think anything. Smile and remember that the next time you judge someone else's kid, it could be you next. It could be you with the screaming child in line, getting the dirty looks and the blatant stares.
I love my son truly and will always defend him to the death but please people BE MORE RESPECTFUL!!! That is all!

Menu Planning and other random thoughts!

I decided to start menu planning last week. I get tired of going to the store, usually with three children in tow, and don't have anything that works together. Then it's back to the store for more money spent and less things that go together. Well, after years of doing that and wasting money, I decided I'm going to plan our weekly dinners, allowing two days of leftovers and one day that we can go out, or have sandwiches.

The first week was exciting, I planned several meals that I thought would be a hit with the kids. Boy was I wrong. I made my first pot roast, and only Cole and I loved it. We made party potatoes and that seemed to go over rather well. Finally I made cheesy chicken and dumpling soup. I loved it, the rest of the bunch was rather disappointed. So I was determined in my quest to make more items that the kids would like and that were healthy.

I got this awesome crockpot book for Christmas from my mom and have been putting it to use more than I ever thought. I seriously believe the crockpot is one of the greatest inventions for parents who have little time to cook and want to make great food, instead of eating out. I found some fantastic websites as well. I plan on trying many different recipes until we find some versions that work for the kids. If just two out of the three kids like them, I consider them hits!

This week, I've planned for four meals: Creamy chicken and wild rice, Bbq pulled pork sandwiches, baked ziti with sausage, and Lasagna. I also thought I'd make some healthy desserts, since my type two diabetes won't allow for most. So for that I'm making cinnamon candy applesauce with vanilla ice cream and black bean brownies. I'm hoping the brownies turn out well, because they are all that I can eat! No flour, no dairy and soy free! Here's to hoping this week is better for that then the last!

I also have planned a major change in my workout routines. I've decided to work out at least 6 times a week, giving myself Friday for a milder workout (with yoga) and Sunday as a day off. I really want to lose as much as I can before my husband comes home for R&R. I want to give him a BIG shock!

In other news, Cole has gotten his 8th tooth, with several molars appearing to be in the beginning phase of pushing through. His tear ducts are still blocked and his ear infections don't appear to be clearing up. I am hoping he doesn't have to have surgery, but we'll deal with that when it comes to it. The little man is also getting braver about standing on his own and walks on as much furniture as he can pull up on. I'm so NOT ready for walking or running. He likes to dash across the floor and to the stairs, where he turns around and gives me the most onery look before he starts climbing. This child is going to be a little stinker! His 1st birthday is also in 7 days! I can't believe he's so close to that already!

Caleb's sleep-deprived EEG shows no indicators of seizure activity. This is fantastic news, as in October he had a complex partial seizure. We still have one more test to do to completely rule it out, but so far the results look promising. He's determining what he wants to do at the YMCA as some after school activities. So far, we've narrowed it down to karate, lego club, and swimming lessons. I'm really wanting to branch out on what he does.

Christian is doing well lately. He had a great first semester of preschool and we're looking forward to the rest of the year. He's also deciding on what he wants to do at the YMCA, he's really interested in gymnastics and legos as well. Swimming lessons did not go well, because his ears really are sensitive to the water. We've tried ear plugs, but so far nothing has worked. His birthday is also coming up, his is in 9 days. He's going to be 4! I cannot believe how fast he's growing. It seems like yesterday that I brought him home from the hospital. When I asked him what he wants for his birthday, he wants a watch. A watch? What 3 going on 4 year old wants a watch for their birthday? I guess mine! He also requested I get him a green Zhu Zhu pet. We'll see what he gets when that time comes. I'm definitely enjoying seeing him grow up!

Graduate school starts in about a 10 days, and I'm ready to get back in the mix. I had some thoughts about putting my education on hold so I don't have to take out any more student loans, but I don't want to do that. I really want to finish this degree! I want to be able to make a difference with kids with special needs!

Well I hope all is well in your worlds! Enjoy life and live it to your fullest!

Clutter

I told myself I would get this mess under control! I made a huge step the first day and was able to get most of my kitchen under control. I came upon the second day and realized I was in WAY over my head. This clutter keeps piling up, more and more, until I feel like I'm drowning in our stuff!

I've looked for several different solutions to help me get through this mess that we have collected. Some of this is really hard for me to throw out. We have nearly ten years of stuff that I can't quite seem to part with completely.

I stumbled upon this website, flylady.com. A suggestion from a facebook friend, who follows the program, led me to this site. I was blown away. Who only spends 15 minutes a day to declutter their house? That doesn't seem like enough time to get it done in a timely manner. She told me she does it in 15 minute increments with a break in between each increment and to only stick to one room per day.

This is a really great suggestion, because honestly, you can get SO much done in 15 minutes. I cleaned out my entire fridge in 15 minutes. I think that if we don't take breaks, we could go crazy with how overwhelming it is!

My mission is to finish decluttering my house by early February. I would like to be done with it now, since I am a little bit of a impatient soul, but I am willing to put the work into getting this done! I want to live without fear that my whole house won't collapse from the piles of junk that we have. (Ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration) I would love to be able to be organized so once my husband gets new orders, we can move a lot easier, without having to worry about how we're going to manage to get all this stuff to our new place or state.

Wish me luck on this journey of decluttering my house! I'm ready to stop, but I know I must push forward!